DIFFERING VIEWS
Although most faiths teach that premarital sex is wrong, only 54% of high schoolers who attend religious services agree.
Beliefnet.com columnist Paul B. Raushenbush advises on all religions. Here he reveals how spiritual wisdom can help your love life—even if you’re not religious.
I always thought I’d wait to have sex until I got married, but one night when I was 14, all of that changed. My boyfriend, Tom, and I were making out in his car when he took out a condom and said, “Are you ready?” I knew he wasn’t a virgin, but we’d never talked about having sex. I thought about saying no, but I really liked Tom and thought I’d be with him for a long time—maybe forever—so I figured it would be okay to say yes.
A few weeks after we had sex, Tom and I were hanging out, but he seemed distracted. I asked what was wrong—and he said he wanted to break up! I was so shocked, I started to cry. But he just said, “Did you really think we’d be together forever?” I felt so dumb—and like I’d lost everything.
Over the next year, I felt really alone. At my lowest point, I even started having one-night stands with guys just so I could feel wanted again.
I guess word about me got around town, because one day when I got home from school, my parents were waiting to talk to me. “I know you’ve been having sex,” my om said. They were angry— and I was mortified—but they also saw how depressed I was. They said they’d help me reconnect with my values through my church so I could feel good about myself again.
It’s been a year now since I’ve had sex—and I’ll never do it again until I get married. When that day comes, I know I’ll be sharing myself with a guy who’ll love me forever.
CLAIRE, 16, WASHINGTON, D.C.
“When you’re making important choices about love, certain religious approaches can be used as guiding tools—regardless of your faith.”
PAUL B. RAUSHENBUSH, THEOLOGIAN
