Even if your guy’s ex-girlfriend is still hanging around, you can keep your relationship safe. BY sarah eisen nanus
LOVE TRIANGLE
After Lindsay and Wilmer broke up, he began dating Ashlee— but Lindsay didn’t make it easy. . . .
| on guard | red alert | Danger (42% of kids have been bullied online.) |
| they’re still friends | she wants him back | she’s harassing you |
| “My boyfriend and his ex grew up together and they’ve been best friends all their lives. Understandably they still hang out, but their close relationship makes me feel insecure.” JESSICA, 20, ATLANTA, GA | “Even though my guy and I have been dating for three months, his ex still flirts with him nonstop. She cuddles up against him, whispers in his ear, and has even tried holding his hand!” CAITLIN, 15, IDAHO FALLS, ID | “My guy and I have been together for six months, but his ex still says nasty stuff about me. She keeps a LiveJournal, where she called me a ‘whore,’ ‘slut,’ and ‘bitch’!” SYLVIA, 17, , TA’MPA’, FL |
| WHAT TO DO Consider if their relationship interferes with yours: Does he break plans with you to see her? Does she call a lot when you’re there? If not, hold your tongue. But if their bond does affect yours, see “Red Alert.” | WHAT TO DO When you’re alone with your guy, calmly say, “When your ex does [blank], I get really uncomfortable. I’d prefer if you guys weren’t so intimate.” If he continues to ignore this boundary, see “Warning!” | WHAT TO DO Together with your guy, go up to his ex and firmly say, “Please stop writing about me, or we’ll take action.” If she doesn’t stop, go to wiredsafety.org for help reporting her to authorities. |
| WHY You both need friends (that’s technically all she is) to round out your lives. If you nag him about her, you’ll seem clingy. | WHY If you focus on how you feel (instead of blaming him), he’ll hear you and make it clear to his ex it’s over, so she’ll stop. | WHY Abusive situations shouldn’t be handled alone. A united front will make her realize this tactic won’t win him back. |
WARNING!
If he won’t stop giving his ex signals that it’s okay for her to flirt with him, he might still like her—even if he doesn’t admit it. His actions show a serious lack of respect for you, and even if it hurts, that’s a sign for you to move on.
