‘‘i was sexually harassed at school’’

THE TEACHER
Because of what he did to Meg, Dale Harper is now listed as a sex offender.

When a popular teacher began flirting with 15-year-old Megan, she stayed quiet. But keeping it a secret only made everything worse. BY sarah jio

I was so excited to start school last fall,” says Megan Holt, now 16 and a junior at Delmar High School in Delmar, Delaware. “I was cocaptain of cheerleading, and I couldn’t wait for the season to start.” Meg was also a student aide for the football coach, Dale Harper; he’d asked her to help monitor his third-period class, which was used for in-school detention. “I was flattered that he asked me—everyone thought he was the coolest teacher,” says Meg. “It was good because I’d run errands for him but still have time for homework.”

UNWANTED ATTENTION

On Wednesday, September 22, 2004, Meg walked into Mr. Harper’s room and headed to her usual seat in the first row, in front of the other students who were there for detention. But Mr. Harper pulled up a chair right next to his desk. “Sit here,” he said in a friendly tone. “I’ll teach you about football.” Meg wasn’t really interested, but she did as he asked. “He was a teacher,” she says. “So I didn’t want to say no and be disrespectful.” After Meg did her homework for about 20 minutes, Mr. Harper pulled out an index card and started drawing plays on it. Then he turned it over, jotted something on the back, and handed it to Meg. “Do you have any questions?” the card read. “About what?” Meg wrote back. “SEX,” he wrote in big letters. Meg was shocked—she didn’t know what to say. “No, I’m a virgin,” she wrote back. “I thought if he knew I didn’t know anything about sex, he wouldn’t mention it anymore,” she explains. But Mr. Harper wrote back, “I always thought you were a freak.” Meg wasn’t sure what he meant and got even more confused. “I wondered if maybe he’d heard rumors about my sexual experience that weren’t true.”

THE E-MAILS
Mr. Harper’s
first explicit e-mail to Meg.

From: “D Harper”

To: Meg
Subject: Re:hey
Date: Thu, 14 Oct 2004 15:48:03
Hey...Giving rides...very funny....ok question...have you ever come close to having sex if so how close... talk to you soon...

Right then the bell rang, and Mr. Harper ripped up the card. “Have a great day,” he said, as if nothing unusual had happened. Meg quickly walked to the bathroom and locked herself in a stall. “I kept thinking, Should I tell someone?” she says. “But I was so freaked out—I convinced myself that he must have lost his head and wouldn’t do it again.”

VIOLATED TRUST

The next day, the was a chair waiting by Mr. Harper’s desk when Meg walked in. “It was like he expected me to sit next to him from then on,” she says. “I didn’t want to sit there—I was worried he might say something sexual again. But I felt like I had to do what he wanted because he was an authority figure.” Halfway through the class, Mr. Harper slowly slid an index card over to Meg. “So have you ever made out with a girl?” it read. What?! Meg thought—but she just laughed nervously. “Even though it made me feel disgusting, like I’d done something to make him see me this way, I didn’t know what else to do,” Meg says. “I was afraid that if I asked him to stop, he’d get mad and talk badly about me to other teachers or the football team, and then they would be mad at me too.”

So for the next three weeks, Meg continued to endure Mr. Harper’s sexual questions. “Once he even invited me to get naked in his friend’s hot tub,” Meg says. “Some days I’d be so angry that I’d just want to cuss him out. But then I’d get too scared to confront him, so I’d be nice instead.”

On Tuesday, October 12, Meg was at home in her room when an e-mail popped up from Mr. Harper.

1 in 10

students has been sexually harassed by a teacher.

“Thanks for the talks [in class],” he’d written. Meg started to panic that he was now bothering her at home—and that she couldn’t get away from him. “I still didn’t want to say anything that would make him mad,” Meg says. “But I also didn’t want to lead him on. I felt trapped!” She replied, “Hey, I love the talks as much as you do!” hoping that her response would sound friendly—but not so friendly that he’d see it as flirting and write her back.

But two days later, on Thursday, October 14, Meg was studying in her room after cheerleading practice when she received another e-mail from Mr. Harper. “Have you ever come close to having sex?” it said. Meg got sick to her stomach. She suddenly felt like nothing she wrote would make him stop—so this time, she didn’t respond. But the next morning in class, Mr. Harper passed Meg an index card. “Would you have sex with me?” he’d written. Still too afraid to reject him, Meg slowly wrote, “I don’t know.” He wrote back, “No one will ever find out. My wife is old and flabby, and you’re so perky.” Meg was furious and disgusted—but she just smiled weakly.

Meg spent the entire next weekend in her room. She told her friends she was getting mono and skipped cheerleading practice. “I felt so hurt and dirty, but I also felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it—I was keeping this major secret and I thought maybe I’d done something to deserve the situation somehow. I hated Mr. Harper, but now he’d made me hate myself too.” On Monday morning, Meg’s mom, Janet Tharp, knocked on her door. “Time for school!” she called. “I’m sick!” Meg lied. “I’m not going!”

BROKEN SILENCE

For the next week and half, Meg tried to stay home, pretending she was sick. When her mom forced her to go to school, Meg went to the nurse’s office instead of Mr. Harper’s room. Then on Friday, October 29, another teacher, Faith Melvin, quietly pulled Meg out of English class. “She said another girl had reported Mr. Harper— that he was saying inappropriate things,” Meg explains. “Since I was his aide, they wanted to know if he’d said anything to me.” Meg felt a sudden sense of relief that someone else knew, and she blurted out everything. Meg and Mrs. Melvin walked down to the library, and Meg printed out the e-mails that Mr. Harper had sent her.

That same day, Mr. Harper (who could not be reached for comment) was reportedly suspended from Delmar High. On November 11, he was charged with sexual harassment and sexual solicitation of a child—of Meg and another student who he had been doing the same things to. He pleaded no contest (neither guilty nor innocent), and three months later Mr. Harper was sentenced to two years’ probati and sex-offender classes, and he must be supervised with minors at all times.

Today Meg finally feels safe at Delmar High. “I thought I was lesser than Mr. Harper and couldn’t speak up because he was a teacher,” she says. “But now I’ll never let anybody make me feel so powerless again.”

What’s sexual harassment?

It’s when a person’s unwanted sexual actions interfere with your school or work. It’s illegal and it might include:

• Asking you questions about your sexual experiences;
• Making sexual jokes or sexual comments to you or about you;
• Touching you in a way that seems sexual and inappropriate;
• Asking you for sexual favors or to have sex.

GET HELP If you’ve been sexually harassed, ask a trusted adult to help you report it to your school. If there’s no adult to talk to, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE.

WARNING! Falsely accusing a teacher of harassment isn’t only wrong: It could ruin his or her life. Plus, it’s a crime that could get you fined—or put in jail.